Saturday, May 7, 2011

Soooo close, yet not really

So I've talked in the past about trying to figure out where I want to go, career-wise.  I'd like to travel way less, and I've decided on some kind of formal education, but I still need to make money and work on my skills in the interim.  I spoke with various managers at my company about possible job opportunities, and found out about one that seemed like a nice fit.

It was (notice the past tense) my understanding that the position requires less travel, but still has a great consulting and training piece, and would help me to work on becoming more detail-oriented, all while able to attend a local college.  Growth and fit, all in one job! So then I set out to (massively over-)prepare for the interview, and I was looking forward to the opportunity to show my colleagues what I could bring to the role.

But then I actually did the interview (5 rotating interviewers, 3 hours total, someone bring a drink please), and saw that the position was more of a secretary to the person doing all of the cool consulting and training shit.  On the way home I had a real moment of clarity and realized that not only I would NOT like this job, I realized that I have already had this kind of job and hated it.  I mean, there was a pretty damn good reason why I no longer did that kind of work - I can do the detail-oriented stuff to an extent, but I. DON'T. LIKE. IT. 

I am simply not detail-oriented.  There, I said it. I'm just not.  Now, I can organize pretty well, but at my own pace, and with my own hierarchy, and I can scope the big picture like a motherfucker.  So why in the name of my mother's grits would I choose to do something that I actively dislike, especially since there are others out there who are so much better at that kind of thing?

Yeah, I couldn't think of a good answer to that one, either.

Not only that, one of my favorite coworkers is also up for the job, and he would be perfect for it.  So I withdrew my name as a candidate and told them I believed that they should seriously consider him.

There's a bit of a feeling of let-down, especially since I put so much effort into the prep, but I am generally feeling pretty great about this decision.  I actually used the interview as an opportunity to see if I would like the job, and when found out I didn't, I didn't fight to make it right.  It's not right, and I am so fucking DONE with trying to fashion myself to fit a popular job description.

So I'm left with this wrung out / kind of thrilled feeling about this bit of personal evolution - not only did I dodge a bad career decision, I somehow clarified my strengths. I have no idea where to go next, but I have a sneaking suspicion that something will rise up to meet me soon enough.  Whatever I end up doing, it will be in the direction of my natural and learned talents, because I am officially too old for that other shit.


  1. Some stuff is already bubbling up, and I am so. freaking. excited.

  2. You are so AWESOME!- Mary Ann

  3. That's so great! You listened to what you wanted and took action. One of the hardest things to do! Something is definitely coming your way. :)