Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Oh yeah, writing

I always think it's so weird when my favorite bloggers apologize after a period of not writing - helloooo, it's a free blog, they don't owe me anything. So this is me not apologizing.

Man I suck at this.

Ok fine - I'm sorry that it's been a while between posts, but things have been brewing in the Casey universe.

First things first - I'm seeing someone. A woman. Woot. We have some mutual friends and have known each other for a while. I had often thought to myself, "Man, if I were ever to date a woman, it should be someone like A." Dur. It finally dawned on me to just date A, and as it turns out, I was right. She's pretty flippin' awesome.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves - let's back up to about a week and a half before it occurred to me that I should ask A out. I was at lunch with my favorite blonde bombshell, where I admitted that I was bitter about relationships. That's right - I said out loud that I was angry and bitter and disappointed and sad that my personal life had not only not turned out the way I'd planned, but that it had also been so painful - that pursuing my interest in women seemed like one more way to be rejected (oh yeah - bisexuals are kinda persona non grata in the women-dating-women world). I admitted out loud that I was angry at myself because so much of the pain was my own stubbornness and unwillingness to accept the facts at hand. I copped - finally - to all of the negative and hurtful and soul-crushing doubts that I've been having the whole time.

And you know what? I felt better.

I mean, not like Julie-Andrews-twirling-in-the-field better, but I felt relief - like when you finally pop that stubborn pimple, or the when the pregnancy test comes up negative after some ill-timed debauchery. I'd been holding in the feelings that I thought would make me appear pathetic, or needy, or desperate. But then I read and re-read some of the posts from my favorite bloggers on the subject of being single when you don't want to be, and I realized that in trying to avoid the judgment of others, I wasn't being real with myself, and that just isn't cricket.

It's like admitting to the negative cleared it out of my system - I didn't have to pretend to be hunky dory when I wasn't. And then someone who I'd seen several times suddenly seemed like exactly the right person for me.

So anyway, I'm still here, still brewing posts in my head - just haven't taken the time to put them down in blog format. But doing this is so helpful to me, and I hope it is helpful to you guys out there. I'll try to do better at the turn-around, and will post this and get right to work on the weirdness that is dating a woman and not feeling weird about it.

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